SOME JOKES FOR A MUGGY WEEKEND

ABOUT WOMEN…….AND MEN

There were 11 people hanging on to a rope that came down from a helicopter. Ten were me and one woman.

They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn’t, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go. Finally the woman gave a really touching speech on how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children and giving in to men.

…… All of the men started clapping.

Top 10 things men know about women:

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One day God called Adam to him and said: “Adam, I have some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?”

“The good news”, replied Adam.

“Well, the good news is I gave you a penis and a brain”.

“Ok” said Adam warily. “And what’s the bad news?”

“I only gave you enough blood to operate one at time.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?

- They already have boyfriends.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?

Make him wear shoes.

How are husbands like lawn mowers? They’re hard to get started, they emit noxious odors and half the time they don’t work.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

Did you hear about the new “morning after” pill for men?

- It changes their blood type.

Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.

And a last one about Ryanair.... apparently Michael O'Leary walked into a Dublin bar and ordered a pint of Guinness, to which the barman replied "that'll be 50 cents please" O'Leary, not believing his luck, said "My, that's mighty cheap" to which the barman replied...."Oh....were you wanting a glass with that......?"

TO BE CONTINUED.................................