MORE JOKES ABOUT WOMEN ..... AND MEN

Again I am going for another holiday break (this time on the beach, some people have family little villages to go, but in mi case I have retired parents living half of the year in the beach, not bad, I tell you!), but meanwhile I am leaving in the blog a humour post about women..... and men (yes, the same old "battle of the sexes" story, you know!) for you to enjoy and laugh for a while. I'll be back in a few days!

Okay, okay, it finally all makes sense now…. I never looked at it this way before:

MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnocologist

AND…..
When we have REAL trouble, it’s a
HISterectomy

Ever notice how all of the female problems start with MALES???


THE FEMALE STAGES OF LIFE

Favorite drink:

Age 17: Wine coolers
Age 25: White wine
Age 35: Red wine
Age 48: Dom Perignon
Age 66: Shot of Jack with a chaser

Excuses for refusing dates:

17: Need to wash my hair
25: Need to wash and condition my hair
35: Need to colour my hair
48: Need to have Francois color my hair
66: Need to have Francois color my wig

Favorite sports:

17: Shopping
25: Shopping
35: Shopping
48: Shopping
66: Shopping

Definition of successful dates:

17: Burger King
25: Free meal
35: A diamond
48: A bigger diamond
66: Home alone

Favorite Fantasy:

17: tall, dark and handsome
25: tall, dark and handsome with money
35: tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48: a man with hair (preferably not on back)
66: a man

Ideal Date:

17: He offers to pay
25: He pays
35: He cooks breakfast the next morning
48: He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66: He can chew breakfast


THE WOMEN POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep.
I pray for a man who’s not a creep.
One who’s handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks.
One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he’s rich and self-employed.
And when I spend, won’t be annoyed.
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh, send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.

MEN ARE LIKE

Blenders
You need one, but you’re not quite sure why

Chocolate bars
Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips

Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm and can keep you up all night long

Commercial
You can’t believe a word they say

Computers
Hard to figure out and never have enough memory

Coolers
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere

Horoscopes
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong

Mascara
They usually run at the first sign of emotion

Parking spots
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small

Popcorn
They satisfy you, but only for a little while

Weather
Nothing can be done to change either one of them